Birthday

Yesterday was Mom's birthday. I missed her yesterday but then again I miss her everyday. All my siblings were sending reminders. Not sure if Mom ever had figs but I offered some fresh ones from market yesterday. :-) I love walking up the sidewalk and seeing her Jade and Bong Mai plants doing so well in their new spot. Makes me smile and hopeful that I can keep bits of her with me for as long as possible. 

Hi 2013

The bad thing about coming back to La China is that I see my mom pictures and it makes me miss her terribly although I think of her every single day. I think I have been avoiding La China. I'll try and be better. :)

I picked this shamrock to snap when I saw it outside our front door in one of the flower beds I need to cultivate. It reminded me of Mom's shamrocks though her blooms were white. And always abundantly blooming.

Moody Monday & Mom Memories

It is a cloudy Monday and a little chilly. Nice to some people like me, but makes some people sort of moody I am noticing today. So that made me think I wanted to write. I love everyday! You never know if you'll have another one so you don't want to waste time being negative, right? I know it's hard to always look for the positive in things that happen because it's hard. I wonder why it is in our nature to the let negative things in life impact us so much more and sometimes so much longer. I don't have the answer to that. All I can say is that I am trying my best to embrace life and be as positive as possible for myself and those around me. It's not that I dwell on the thought of dying or losing others. I don't let it consume me. But I do recognize that it happens. And it happens real close. And then you don't have another chance to tell someone something. You don't have a chance to call them when you think about them even when you don't call as often as you should. You don't get to tell them again how awesome they are for knowing exactly what to cook you when you need a lift. You don't get to try and make them laugh when they are angry because they had a fight with someone. You don't get to talk about and thank them for doing the fun but naughty things in life when you were younger - like picking you up early from school because you were ahead in all your school work. And you certainly don't get to thank them for the incredible green thumb they have or for the lovely rose they leave next to your bed when you come home from college. Oh my gosh - those are just some of the things I am thinking about as I am missing my mom. And sometimes, she'd do something just when I needed a pick-me-up or some help and I'd ask her, "How did you know, mommy?" She'd look at me and turn her head to the side a little and she'd smile and say in her cute accented English, "I know." On several occasions, she'd say to me, "Con là con mẹ. Tất nhiên mẹ biết những gì con cần." You're my child; of course I know what you need. :) Sometimes I sit and allow myself to just hear those words and that voice. I miss it. Sometimes a lot if I just let myself be immersed in it. It's still weird to realize Mom is gone. It's been five months now and it still an odd realization.

I like this picture because I was always her sous chef once my older sisters went off to college. This was last December when we went home to visit them in Florida. I'm glad she still felt like doing a little cooking because I know it made her happy.



I like this shot of her hand because it makes me think of two things she often told me:
1. I needed to take better care of my hands because they look like field worker hands and no man wants to marry a girl with rough hands.
2. I need to also watch it with my tomboy ways (when I was young in NC). My bloody elbows and knees will NOT attract a husband. I liked tree climbing and biking and I always had a bloody knee or elbow. :)

Missing My Mom

Everyday I miss her. It's not that I used to call her everyday and now I can't. It's just that I used to be able to and now I'm not. Since I last wrote here, my mom passed away and I have a million things to write and yet I am all muddled. So much happened since the moment we found out we needed to go to Florida to be with the family. Maybe I will feel like writing more tomorrow. I thought I felt it now, but I don't.

And sometimes, when I think, oh I've done pretty well today. Only a few cries...along comes pictures or a card or a bouquet of flowers she would have loved. And then that feeling of missing her is so fresh.